School starts back in less than two weeks. YIKES! I can honestly say this year I'm really struggling with the desire to go back. I'm actually dreading it. Overwhelmed is probably the perfect word. This year I will have my very first intern ( one I'm not so sure about mind you-- not one of those interns you can let loose in your classroom and know everything will be alright), I'll be teaching six classes instead of 5 (translate 25 more papers to grade and 1 hour less to do it each day), AND I'll be co-teaching three days a week. Now to some this sounds like "Hey, some extra help!" In some ways that's true; however, it would be like sharing the kitchen when you've been the only chef for the past seven years. All in all, I'm struggling with the relinquishment of power. I like running my classroom and so far been pretty successful. Now, I've got to change and I'll be honest: I DON'T WANT TO! It's too much work and I just want it to be easy. (I don't know why I expect things to be easy as they RARELY are in my life.)

Side note: I'm also a little concerned that God is taking me in a new direction -- out of the classroom maybe. I don't really know and as much as I love a new adventure, it is always a little scary to brave out into the unknown. My unsettled heart is a definite indication that He's changing something. I know I'll do what He's gonna ask me to do, I just hate the waiting and the figuring it out. Anybody else like that?

One final note that mostly will make sense to the Ecuador crew. The book is in the beginning stages. I can honestly say that I've taken steps to fulfill one destiny that God has for me. I'm excited and God is building my confidence everyday. I don't feel like I'm just "playing with the wax" anymore :)

Big Sister Pride

So all my sister bloggers complain that I don't post enough. Well here I am and I'm posting. Today there's so much floating in my brain that I don't know where to start. Since my last few - well my only two- posts have been sort of a rant, I'm going with a positive rave today.

Last night's youth service was wonderful. And I'm not just saying that because my husband is the youth pastor -- although he Is the best one around. It was wonderful because God was there in a real way. During worship, we sang a song entitled "You Are Good." It was powerful. From the first word, I began to cry. It was a realization of how good God really is in my life and what I had to be proud of and thankful for, and last night I was both, due to the voice that sang that song.

I won't mention her name but she knows who she is. When she began to sing, the annointing of God flowed through her. As I stood and listened, I realized that God uses her because she knows Him. I mean really knows Him. She spends time with Him; she revels in her relationship with Him. I vouch for this because I KNOW her heart. Last night, I was so proud of her not for her vocal performance (although it was magnificent) but because she truly lives a life that pleases God. It is written in all her words and actions. Her very desire is that others know God in the way she does, serves Him with all they have, and desperately wants ALL to have the relationship with HIM. No she isn't perfect -- she knows that and so do I, but she is striving to be ALL that God has called her to be.

I've watched her grow in some amazing ways the past eight years. I can' wait to see what God does with her life. She has no idea the ADVENTURE He has planned for her and the amazing path He's carved out just for her.

I'm so proud because God has allowed me to be a spiritual big sister and knowing that I've influenced such an amazing young lady is simply a sweet gift from Him that I treasure daily. Be encouraged today my little sis - you keep going after God and no matter who disagrees with you about your "crazy" list, HE WILL REWARD YOU! "For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." Psalm 84:11

Don Quixote and Me

So I've got a new word. Not only does it sound great when it rolls of the tongue but it fits me oftentimes perfectly. Quixotic. (quicks ah tic) Let's use it in a sentence: Alicia's quixotic thoughts often lead to frustration and disappointment. Can you figure it out? Well, in order to give you a good understanding of why it applies to me, I shall define it. Quixotic: exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical. For example, carrying a sweet little baby for nine months, gaining only 26 pounds, and totally expecting it to come right off when I leave the hospital. FYI it's been 10 years and I still have 10 pounds left to loose! Still not sure it suits me? Well, how about this: praying for nine months that I would be able to stay home with my sweet baby and still thinking it wouldn't require too many changes in my life. Let's all take a moment to laugh out loud. If you know my story, that prayer is what led me to Tallahassee. Yes, God did allow me stay home for 7 years, but only because it required a move away from all my lifelong friends and church. (By the way, this blog is not leading to an announcement that I'm pregnant!) In addition, I won't even discuss the countless special occasions that I built up in my mind as something akin to spectacular, marvelous, supernaturual even, and been disappointed because of my quixoticness ( not really sure that's a word but it works).

In my defense, I have to say that it's not entirely my fault for two reasons: one is God the other is movies. God did create me and put this specific personality trait within me; therefore, I know that it is not all bad and that He plans (and often does) use it for good. For example, I tend to see the brighter side of things, look for the good in a really, really bad situation, etc. One of my life's mottos is "Sometimes it's so bad, you gotta laugh." But I also have to deal with my ability to create grandiose plans and daydreams that never could come true. Oh, I have to admit sometimes my quixotic thoughts have come true and I've been thrilled, but my mind isn't batting 500 or even 100. Reason number two that my person suffers from quixotia (again, not really a word but it works) is those ridiculous chick flicks I watched growing up. (I can also blame it on the fairy tales our little princess minds embraced when I was younger). I still love to watch them, but I do prepare my heart and mind beforehand with a little mantra: this is not real life, this is not real life. I oftentimes find myself telling my OCAG girls that if some boy were to really say all that sappy stuff to them, they'd probably start giggling. Realistically, only a little mushy stuff keeps us interested -- get too mushy and we'll move on.

I know your probably thinking, "What does Don Quixote have to do with any of this?" If you know his story, you know that the word actually originated from him. He was an idealistic dreamer. Even more, his idealism and unrealistic thoughts made for some pretty funny literature. This fact reminds me to keep my motto, "Sometimes it's so bad, you just gotta laugh!"

Words and more words

I love words. It's simple, some words just convey everything. I have favorite words and some not so favorite words. Currently, my favorite word is epiphany. I revel in the epiphanies in my life. Mostly they come from God and occasionally when my blonde hair kicks in I have some epiphanies that aren't God inspired. You are probably asking what is an epiphany, right? Well, the teacher in me says "Go look it up!" but the friend in me says "Okay, I'll tell you." So I'll just tell you. An epiphany is a sudden insight or revelation. This is one of my favorite words for a reason. First and foremost, God sends epiphanies quite often to me. It's how He talks to me. I have friends who say that he speaks to them slowly and over time. Not me. He usually hits me with it pretty quick - as in I usually don't see it coming. This works for me though. He gets my attention, reminds me how much he loves me, redirects me to what's right, or simply refocuses me on the Truth!

Another reason I love the word epiphany is because I love to read and write. In order to be a good writer, you've got to bring me to that moment of sudden revelation. BUT, you must let me figure it out! Whatever you do don't tell me what the sudden revelation is -- I will get it. Just point me in the right direction. (If you love epiphanies read Peace Like A River or any book by Deeanne Gist.) My writing often focuses on epiphanies or at least contains a character that experiences one. In fact, I expect that many of my posts will be centered around personal epiphanies.

Finally, the word just sounds cool. I love the pop and slide of it. (Poetic moment emerging here. Must take a moment to relish in it.) This all brings us back around to my love of words - I'm a poet a heart. I love the chance to say something life-changing and radical and be forced to restrict it to only most profound and perfect words.

Well, I'll linger no more on that thought. I would love to hear about your favorite words. I might even add them to my list.